By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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