I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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