Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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