I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
