i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
