i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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