im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
