she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
