How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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