my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
