I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
