69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
