shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
