Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
