you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
