i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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