I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to align my fucking chakras
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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