I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
