I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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