A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pooping to opera.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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