Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was born a porn star she said
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize