I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
