I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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