No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize