He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
