Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
