So drunk its hurt
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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