i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
