I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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