I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
