Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
