yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
