omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
