you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
