haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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