If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
