I think I died a long time ago.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
