**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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