I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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