Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
