Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
