it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
