My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
