ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
