Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
