the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
