My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
a search helicopter?!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
