Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
