So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
two words: eviction party
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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