fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We don't watch enough power rangers
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
