Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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