What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
