Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize