Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
