I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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