Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
