The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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