Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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