return my video game
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
