I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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