Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
