hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize