I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please, let me fuck your mom
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
