I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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