Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
