I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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